I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
