she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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