he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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