He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
