he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
