Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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