guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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