Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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