he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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