Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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