New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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