Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
