just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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