my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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