I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
