We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
