Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
