he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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