I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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