So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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