You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
