She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
