We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
