I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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