There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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