dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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