we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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