Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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