He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
