Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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