im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
