is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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