WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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