put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
