How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize