He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
