End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
