My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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