I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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