it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
