I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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