2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
