i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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