I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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