Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
