it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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