we made out on top of his cat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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