you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
