I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
babies were throwing up all over the place
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
