:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
