I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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