wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
