Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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