apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Alive.
So much puke
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
