guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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