So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
