Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
