she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
