So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
