Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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