I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
