I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
