Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
