he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
