one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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