I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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