we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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