Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
