If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
