so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
