She's JV to your varsity
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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