Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
