just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
