He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
