i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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